Does Not Play Well with Others

Me, not Carson.

I took C to the park this weekend, and we had a total blast.  I'm partly posting about that.  I'm also posting about how strange I think it is to have your child play with a bunch of strangers' kids, monitored by their stranger-parents.  Sometimes it's hard to tell which kids belong with which parents, so it's hard to know if you need to be the one to step in.  Sometimes it's clear who their parents are--and just as clear that those parents are taking the day off.  And sometimes you're the one who is the dingbat parent. 

I've been wondering and worrying about Carson's socialization, including how she will and does interact with other kids.  Until today, I had no idea I needed to worry about my own interactions.  I found myself in several situations where I wasn't sure what to do.  I had an initial impulse, and then I stopped and thought...and reacted differently.  At times, I think my initial reaction was better.  At times, it was probably good that I stopped and took a few deep breaths.

Here are a few decisions I was faced with. Tell me what you think.

Situation 1:  A 3-year-old boy sticks his head out of a tunnel, glares at Carson, who is climbing up some nearby steps, and yells, "YOU are BAD!!!!" and just stares at her.

Initial impulse:  punch the kid in the face, scoop Carson up and run to the car. Race home & stockpile non-perishable foods so she never has to leave, and therefore never has to deal with jerks.

Actual reaction:  I froze.  I just stared at the kid.  I wasn't sure if the man standing next to me was his dad, so I wasn't sure if he was going to spring into action and correct the boy.  I didn't know if I should reassure Carson or if it had gone over her head & calling attention to it would then make her upset.  So I just stood there with my mouth open.  It turned out the man was NOT this boy's father, but he still stepped in and told the boy matter-of-factly, "No, she's not."


Situation 2:  Carson and another girl about her age are climbing up the same part of the swingset.  Carson wants to get past the girl, who wasn't moving quite as fast as her (not bragging, just saying)

Initial impulse:  start chanting, "Go Carson, go!  You can do it!" while watching in mock sadness as the girl topples off the step, forced over by the sheer wind force of Carson's acceleration (in my defense, it was only 3" off the ground).

Actual reaction:  pick Carson up so she doesn't run over the other kiddo and explain it will be her turn to climb soon.


Situation 3:  while I am talking to some parents who are letting Carson pet their dog, Carson bolts and almost gets smashed by a toddler on a swing.

Initial impulse:  become a sobbing mess, apologize to Carson for nearly getting her killed, and punish myself by recycling my Real Simple magazine before I read it this month.

Actual reaction:  Play it cool. I totally meant for my toddler to have a near-death experience.  Rub some dirt on it and move on.  Good chatting with you guys.


Situation 4: a girl of about 6 is playing in the 'toddler section' of the playground with a huge stick, poking it into holes right near Carson's head and being very nonchallant with this weapon of mass destruction she is weilding.

Initial impulse:  grab the stick, break it into tiny pieces, feed it to 6-year-old.

Actual reaction: "Let's go play over here, Carson!"


Seriously though, C had no clue about my own inner turmoil and thus had an amazing time at the park.  She was adventurous and did not shy away from the other kids, and she was also quiet and focused on her tasks.  She loved the dogs there and wanted to go down the slide again and again.  We're hoping for some more beautiful days this week so we can go again (and I can start to become a better-socialized parent)!