Reasons I Should Have Known I Was Pregnant

1. I couldn't even stay awake until my normal 9:30 bedtime. I spent a good week or so sure that I was getting sick, because I had that exhausted feeling you get the day or two before a bug hits you. Seriously, I was hitting the hay around 8:30 every night.

2. I was more absent-minded than usual. I think I've mentioned before that that thing they call "pregnant brain" is fake--it should be called "welcome to your new life brain" because it doesn't come back after you give birth, or even after you get a normal sleep schedule back.
Well, I began having more severe instances of WTYNLB, such as putting pantry items in the fridge and vice versa. Pretty sure the cardboard container of instant oatmeal doesn't need to be kept cold....and I'm pretty sure the yogurt does.
I would also start the washing machine but forget to close the lid...so the clothes just sat in a big thing of water all night.

3. I began stockpiling random ingredients on accident. When I was pregnant with Carson, it was black eyed peas that I kept buying, thinking we were out (and she currently can't get enough of them, incidentally). This time, it's BBQ sauce. We have a variety of flavors, should you have any needs. Come on over and pick up a bottle.

4. Cravings--I never had strong cravings with C--or really with this one. Just some very random ones. For example, I crave cigarettes when I'm pregnant. Of course, that's not a craving I would ever give in to, but it's crazy as hell, right?
And spicy foods. Nothing has enough flavor or spice when there's a baby in my tummy. There are old wives tales out there about spicy foods hurting the baby (which my students preach to me regularly), but really it just tastes better to me when I'm pregnant and I'm confident the baby is fine.

5. I had some weird-o dreams--not nearly as vivid as when I was pregnant with Carson and hit myself in the face while sleeping (I was swinging a golf club in my dream)--but many nights, I have woken up at 2am thinking, "WHAT the hell was that?"

6. I started showing when I was about...oh, 5 days pregnant. Okay, not really but definitely earlier with #2! I spent the last few weeks of the school year covering my belly with things like folders, binders, my laptop, flower pots....and it worked! Nobody knew I was pregnant until this school year started!

7. My words weren't working. I'd give directions to my class at work, and they'd sit there staring at me instead of jumping into action. A few nervous looks between students would tell me something was off. I'd ask, "What did I just say?" and they'd reply something like, "Put your shoes in your pencils and turn to page carrot."

So, if you see me and I'm exhaustedly shoving hot sauce-soaked cigarettes in my mouth, drinking barbecue sauce, and mumbling nonsense, just keep on walking. I'm pregnant.