End of Chapter 1

So this is my last week of school/work before summer break begins.  Woo-hoo!  I'm excited about this for many reasons:  I won't be teaching math next year, I get two months to hang out with Carson, my house might actually get cleaned again, etc. etc.

But that's not what this post is about.  This post is about Sara. 

Sara is Carson's babysitter/nanny/friend who has been watching her while I am at work but who will not be able to watch her next school year.

A little background:
I have known Sara for about 15 years now (holy crap!).  She is the younger sister of one of my best friends Jana, who I met in high school.  Jana's family used to invite me and a few of our other friends on vacations with them, and this is where I really got to know Sara.  We (the "older" girls) used to talk on these trips about how mature and cool Sara was.  Never a tagalong, always funny, definitely worth hanging out with (despite her 'younger sister' status).  It's funny to look back at middle-school-Sara in my memory and think that she is the first person who cared for my daughter in my absence for any length of time. 

Sara currently lives with her sister Jana (and Jana's husband and daughter Lila), all of whom I've talked about on the blog at some point--and who live a mile from us.  Carson spends the first half of every day at their house while I am at work.  She was just 2 months old when she started staying with Sara--barely able to do much of anything.  She sort of smiled. She ate. She pooped...a lot. And she laid there looking at ceiling fans.  That's about it.  To think about all the changes and developments that have happened since then is astounding.  Laughing, moving, reaching, almost crawling...and Sara was there for all of them.  Sara was the first person Carson ever intentionally reached for (like she wanted to be held by her rather than the person holding her).  When I went to pick up Carson after work one day and held her in my arms, while she looked back over at Sara and flashed one of her huge grins in recognition and adoration--I knew in that moment that we were truly blessed to have Sara. 

It has been a comfort and a treasure for our entire family for Sara to take care of Carson these past months.

So, thank you Sara for....

all the diapers (and often outfits) you changed

feeding Carson patiently, even though patience is the last word to describe my hungry daughter

noticing little changes in Carson, like her teeth getting ready to come in and her new silly quirks

celebrating her successes with me, like rolling over and getting ready to crawl

letting me tell stories about Carson that are most likely only interesting to me--and listening without showing even a hint of boredom

helping Carson get on a tighter schedule--it made a huge difference for her to have that structure

trying to make Carson laugh--it warms my heart to know she's with someone who loves the sound of her laughter

letting me worry and ask you to "keep an eye on" all kinds of random things

most of all, thank you for loving her like we do--unconditionally, completely, and joyfully

We look forward to Carson continuing to know and love you as she grows!  It has been an amazing four months, and we will forever remember, appreciate, and cherish all the special ways you loved and cared for Carson.  Thank you.

A List in Pictures

I'm not sure if this really counts as a list, but I'm pretty sure there aren't blogger police out there making sure you stay true to your blog title.  So here's what we've been up to the past week or two, with pictures telling most of the story.  Lazy blogging, I know. 

Carson has fallen in love with tags.  Whether they are on clothes, blankets, toys, or pillows, they fascinate her (and a lot of babies) to no end.

 This is how happy they make her:

Brandon's parents came over to hang out with Carson while I was sick last Saturday.  Thank you very much!  It was a really big help!  I didn't get any pictures from the day though, because...well...I was sick.

Carson attended her first birthday party for a friend.  Her buddy Lila turned one year old recently!  Here is the super-cute birthday girl with her humongoid cupcake.  Um, yes please!

We went to my parents' house for my mom's birthday celebration, where we got to hang out with aunts, uncles, and cousins.

This is my mom in heaven:

  

And seriously, how stinking cute is Cousin Madelyn???

Carson read/ripped a magazine with Daddy. 

Here, they are both shocked that the page came out.

 

 Carson and her good friend Moe have hung out a lot.

And we've also had lots and lots of smiles!
 

 

My First Mother's Day

Let me begin by letting you know this post is more for me than for you.  So I don't feel too badly that it's late.  While I do want to share the fun & wonderful things about my first MD, I also don't want to forget them.  And that's the main reason I'm writing this. 
So here's how it all went down.....

Friday--'Carson' sent me flowers at work. So sweet!

Saturday--Brandon took a break from his 5am to midnight (I know!) workday to come home & mow the lawn (yea!) and stay with Carson while I got a much-needed haircut.

Sunday--
Carson woke up with her first tooth!  I can't believe she is already getting teeth--wasn't she just born?  And by the time she went to bed that night, a second tooth had popped through her gums.  You can sort of see them here if you look really close and squint:

We got up early and went to church.  Carson wore this sweet little dress--the only single-item clothing splurge Brandon and I have participated in so far.  However, we have no pictures of it, because in the car after church, she...um...let's just say she can't wear the dress anymore.  Hugest explosion to date.  Clean-up literally involved Brandon's use of a hose.  My mom, who has raised five children, nearly threw up over it.  That's how major it was.

Moving on!

We went to my parents' house for breakfast--delicious and fun to hang out.

We wrangled Carson some godparents--thank you, Uncle Jon and Aunt Anna!  More to come on the baptism when it gets closer.

Carson and I went to Brandon's soccer game.  The weather was absolutely perfect, so spending a few hours outside with my daughter, watching my husband's team...um...put forth a valliant effort...was a fantastic way to pass the afternoon.

Brandon went and picked up dinner from a little Italian place near our house--delicious!

I had super-extended story time with C.  She was way into her books this night, which I loved.  I sat her up on a little pillow next to me and we just read and read.

Carson slept great through the night (something she has been struggling a bit with these days)--the best gift of all!

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

I was never a girl who was super-duper-BFFs with her mom.  My mom and I are great friends now, but from a very young age, I tried to separate myself from her.  I'm not sure when it started, exactly. It could have been when my mom and I were at the mall and I tried to pretend I was there by myself.  I made her walk 10 feet behind me and pretended we just happened to run into each other at the Food Court. 

I was 3. 

Or maybe it was when I was 4 and informed my mother I felt I was ready for my own apartment. 

Whenever it began, I spent a lot of my youth struggling desperately to be independent.  I wasn't smothered or suffocated as a child.  Apparently, it's just part of who I am.

But even though I pretended I wasn't listening, my mom still managed to teach me a lot.  Now that I am a mom myself, I realize a little bit each day how much I actually learned from her.  Here are a few things she taught me about that I hope to pass on to Carson:


Unconditional Love
We never said, "I love you," much in my family when I was growing up.  However, I never for a second felt anything but completely and unconditionally loved.  I never really heard my parents say it to each other--yet I never for a second thought my parents might get divorced.  Somehow, my mom (and dad) managed to teach me what unconditional love is without having to say a word. 
I want Carson to feel that way--always sure of our love for her, our love for each other.  I want her to know there is nothing she could say or do that could erase or replace our feelings for her.  Even when she's a teenager yelling, "I HATE YOU!" she should know that I still love her.  And (not that I have any previous experience with a situation like that) I will quietly remind myself that she still loves me too.

Beauty
Basically, the general message my mom gave me about beauty was that I was beautiful.  While, with age and life experience, this valuable message gets muddled, confused, and sometimes even lost, I think it is imperative for mothers to convey it to their daughters.  My mom also helped shape my definition of beauty.  Never once was I informed, "Katie, boys won't like that."  My mom taught me that feeling good about how you look and who you are should never come from someone else.  Nothing should ever be done in order for a man to find me more attractive--that's just not what self-worth is about. 
I want Carson to know her beauty from the moment she is able to understand the word.  I want her to appreciate the specific things about herself that are truly gorgeous--right now, my favorites are her eyes and her knock-out smile.  I suspect they might always be.  I want her to know she doesn't need makeup to make her prettier, because she is gorgeous as she is.  I want her definition of her own style and charm to come from herself and for her to always be confident--not in a cocky way, but in a way that helps her not to question herself.   I want her to see herself through my eyes, because then she would never for a moment doubt her own beauty.

Marriage
There are two main things my mom (and dad) taught me about marriage:  1. marry your best friend, and  2. your spouse is your partner in everything.  Number one is fairly self-explanatory and is commonly-issued advice.  I'm glad I took it, and I hope that my friendship with Brandon, like my parents' friendship with each other, will speak for itself to Carson as to why this is important to do. 
Number two is something I'm not sure my mom ever said out-right to me, but it was definitely demonstrated on a daily basis.  My parents were always a united front.  When issuing discipline, one never overruled the other.  When approaching family problems, one never questioned the other (at least not in front of us).  They were a team in every way--from day-to-day tasks like getting dinner on the table to the big stuff like dealing with the death of my dad's parents.  No issue, big or small, failure or triumph, belonged more to one of them than the other.  My parents' marriage was an amazing example for us--and continues to be.  I hope Brandon and I are up to the task of teaching Carson by example too.
Being Myself
"If pumping gas is what makes you happy in life, then that's what I want you to do."  I can't tell you how many times I heard this from my mom growing up.  Actually, maybe it was only a few but it was so important to me that it stuck in my consciousness continually.  Having this knowledge tucked away in my mind padded any fall I had--it was a big fat trampoline that allowed me to try (and maybe fail) at anything because I knew I had to find what brought me joy.  I could study any subject, train for any position, work toward any career and, without a doubt, my parents would be okay with it.  I never received any pressure to join a certain club or try a certain profession.  No matter what I thought I might want to do with my life, I was never once told, "You know, you won't make much money at that."  And in that way, I was taught what to value.  I learned that success is measured not in wealth or houses or appearances but in how full your life is with people, laughter, and feeling good about yourself at the end of the day.  Let's be honest, my mom probably always knew I was going to be a teacher.  My favorite thing has always been bossing people around.  And in what other job can you do that all day long, and they HAVE to do what you say? (unlike brothers when playing school, who unfortunately had the option NOT to do what I told them.  What a rip-off!)  However, had I chosen to be a doctor or a social worker or even a gas station attendant, my mom would have been completely satisfied as long as I was. 
I hope to teach Carson that very same thing (although I might have to find a different example than pumping gas as a job, since no one really has that job anymore).  I hope she knows that whoever she is, whatever she does--her contentment and her fulfillment are the key to mine.
Knowing Who I Am
My mom knows me better than anyone.  She always has, even during times when I didn't want to be known and tried so hard to be someone else.  Maybe it's the growing of a person inside you that allows a mother to know her child so well.  Or maybe it's the way that child takes over your entire brain if you're their mom--a new lens through which to view every single thing in the world.  However it happens, my mother knows my moods, tendencies, and emotions, often more readily than I do.  She knew how I'd respond to being a wife, a new mother, to my Crohn's disease flaring up in my 20's.  I think there were times growing up where this scared or bothered me. I wondered if I could ever truly be my own person, when there was someone in this world who knew me so deeply and completely. 
Turns out, her knowing me, loving me, and allowing me to be myself is exactly what has helped me to become my own person.

So thanks Mom, for being such an amazing mother.  I want to be the same for Carson, and she is so blessed to have you nearby to fill in the pieces I miss.

All of a Sudden

Seriously, I can't believe Carson is 5 months old.  At the same time though, it feels like much longer than five months that she has been in our lives.  In the past few weeks, Carson has started doing many new things.  All of a sudden, it's like she's a whole new older, more independent, more interested, more amazing kid.  Here are some updates:

She has discovered her feet.  She loves them.  And so she spends about 35% of her awake time in this position:

She is ticklish now.  Very ticklish.  Which we take full advantage of, poor thing.  It's just so much fun to hear her laugh out loud.  I'm working on catching a video of it.  I can't help but laugh out loud myself every single time that she does.

She has a sense of humor.  Laughing isn't just a response to being tickled.  She thinks certain sounds and faces are hilarious.  It's so fascinating to try different things and see what strikes her as amusing.  And I even think sometimes that she is being silly on purpose.  I am truly amazed by this development, because it seems like such a huge change in how her brain works.

As you saw in the last post, she can roll over from her back to her front.  As my friend Kim says, it's like she has a magnet in her chest now that just pulls her over every time she's on her back--whether she actually wants to be on her stomach or not.  So she spends about 30% of her time like this:

And finally, we recently introduced her to rice cereal because she started waking up in the middle of the night hungry.  Which she hasn't done for about 2 months now.  So hopefully the cereal will give her what she needs to sleep through the night again, once she gets the hang of it.  Here she is looking all tiny in her high chair.

And here are some of her first few bites of (watery) cereal, if you're interested: